April Fools’: Senioritis Now Recognized by CDC

Posted on April 1, 2017 by

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Confirming longheld beliefs, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention have finally and officially recognized Senioritis as a high risk mental disorder.

“After years of clinical studies on at-risk demographics and research on potential biological causes and effects, we have confirmed that Senioritis is a legitimate health concern that we should monitor moving forward,” acting CDC director Anne Schuchat said.

Schuchat cited symptoms such as “severe decrease in motivation,” “laziness,” “irritability,” and an increasingly prevalent desire to “get out of here.” The disease targets, as its name implies, high school seniors, especially those who are looking to move on with their lives during their last months of schooling.

Initially defined as a “supposed affliction of students…characterized by a decline in motivation or performance” by Google, that is sure to change in the coming weeks as doctors and psychologists reflect on the validity of the disorder. Michael Proffitt, senior editor of the Oxford English Dictionary, released a statement about the official definition status of Senioritis.

“We recognize the significance of Senioritis and are working with researchers to come up with a legitimate definition to add to our next edition of the Oxford English Dictionary,” Proffitt said.

Declining grades are often evidence of cases of Senioritis. The average student sees a drop of roughly 10% on their overall GPA, according to CDC studies.

“Our biggest concern is the declining productivity of students when they come down with this horrendous disease. The focus of our research will be combating negative effects of Senioritis on performance,” Schuchat said.

Although researchers are working day and night to find a cure or treatment for Senioritis, there are some methods to help curb its effects in the meantime. Examples include, getting enough sleep, practicing time management, and showing up to school on time.