Are the Mimes of Fleetwood Park “Just Clowning Around” or is Something Sillier Afoot?

Several reports of “mimes” living in Fleetwood Park have been filed to the Fleetwood Police Department in the past few weeks.

The activities of the mimes remain a mystery. The mimes are usually reported as residing in the wooded area surrounding the park. Fleetwood police have been dispatched to inspect the area. Police have uncovered several white gloves, berets, and face paint.

“I’M SO [VERY] SCARED,” Facebook user Michael Roach posted about the incident in the “You Know You’re From Fleetwood If…” Facebook group.

“If a mime is on my front porch, am I protected under Pennsylvania law to scare it off?” Facebook user Oliver Kozlovski commented in the group.

“I think it’s a prank. It must be…there’s no photo evidence of [the mimes],” Fleetwood Area High School sophomore Jacob Pflum said.

Not much information is available about the mimes. The mimes are reportedly sighted exclusively after the park’s curfew, 5 p.m., when Berks County Park Rangers routinely go to lock the bathrooms and report counts of vandalism. The mimes have been reported scowling, pulling on an invisible rope, escaping from a glass box, and then “prancing” into the distance. 

A manifesto had been mailed to Suzanne Pittella-Touch, the mayor of Fleetwood, and was opened in a specialized mail-screening room in case of postal terrorism. The manifesto is theorized by Fleetwood residents to have been authored by the mimes petitioning for “Beret Day” to coincide with Bastille Day.

The Fleetwood Police Department released a statement on its Facebook page on March 25th responding to the incident. “The exact messaging of the manifesto is unclear… It appears to have been written in invisible ink.” We may have a case of domestic terrorism on our hands.”

Police have advised residents of Fleetwood to report any mime sightings to the proper authorities and to make no attempt to engage.